Yes, he’s right. He walks into the class and starts lecturing “If you live in Nepal and expect to much,it’s your fault. You are an idiot to expect international teaching standards.” I admit I am an idiot but what name can I give him? Why would a teacher ask his student to compulsorily write a letter to the editor on his article and not dare to mention the connection.

I am eagerly waiting to watch ‘This is it’. It’s getting good reviews the world over.Larry King had nice things to say about it and the BBC review was positive too. Ebert and Masand both gave it four stars. I am not sure when I will get to see it. It’s not released in Nepal yet. I hope ‘piracy’ does its trick and I get to see it soon.”This is it” I love this one liner. It’s cool,ambitious and very MJ.What say?

I belong not to this world, not to that
I struggle and stumble
I seek and yet I do not find
I now forget what I seek…
I tempt myself with what I see
I do not search and I do not sense
I now forget what I seek…

Love my friend, is a dangerous thing.

Wake up Sid
Direction:Ayan Mukherjee
Rating:***
Jo barse sapne boode boode
naino ko moode moode
kaise me chalu
dekna na saku
anjane rastein…
Finally I did watch Ranbir and Konkona. I would love to write about it but at the moment it’s 12:55 a.m, my back is aching, my eyes are sore and I lost a edited version of a file I have been working for the past three hours.Somebody help me!

Yupiee I did find it. I am tired and all I can remember is Ranbir kapoor.I am too tired to write. I will tomorrow. For now, good nite

Now, I am back. Well, this is not a conventional review and it’s more about me and less about the movie.More than six months ago I remember going to a site and reading about a new movie starring Konkona and Ranbir. I did comment and even left my e-mail address.

Well, ‘wake up Sid’ was released around dasain. I planned to watch the first show of the first day.I didn’t and after weeks of delay it was ‘I’ who finally agreed to come with me.Well, in fact I made her lie and take a leave from the office.The lie for me was worth it.I doubt if she enjoyed the movie and her part was only paying for that terrible coffee. I always find it terrible-even five cubes of sugar does not work for me, she enjoys it with two cubes.

What can I say? The movie was terrible. Not exactly I would watch it over and over. Why would I do that? I have a tendency of self inflicting pain.’That’ week I watched this series of bad movies and made myself sick. The only consolation was and is I knew/know how terrible they were/are.

I am a Ranbir Kapoor fan. It’s easy to be a fan. I am on the safe side but I am also like everyone else. I would not like to characterize myself as a ‘aficionado’ among the fan category. How can I? I don’t even know what I am , what I am doing and what little I am doing will make things fine.

Six months ago I finally realized where I stood among films-nowhere. I had and have so little knowledge about films and I found out how stupid I was to review every crappy Hindi movie. I knew why I did it? just to get a few more eyeballs. Even if I wrote a very good post,without the mention of a film no one ever viewed or views it. But was it worth it? Is it worth it?pretending to be an expert when I am nowhere close.It’s not as if I am happy in this state. I took bloody many pains to change it. It didn’t work out.Above all I am the stupidest person I know.It’s all gone and I can’t make the mistake of remembering any part of it any more.

Why am I blabbering about all this? The movie made it all come back. I am not so bad after all. I know many people who are worse than me and still get to review films. I am not jealous or complaining. This is how life works. Wake up Sid has an obvious plot and still it works in many ways. It’s a clever way to make money-gather in all the cliches and bring in two most successful actors in the industry to play the lead roles. The film is an illusion, Ranbir Kappor is an illusion and life is an illusion. I am damn sick of escapism.

No one ever meets their soul mate on their graduating night? You don’t have a simple cannon camera, take a few clicks and by night your photographs make it to the front cover of a prestigious magazine? what’s with this independent crap? Hell with all this. I feel so cynical and pessimistic.

What can I do? At least I have a blog where I can vent out everything. Lastly my phone seldom gets any call. This saturday morn it keeps ringing. It’s a new number. I pick it up and then she starts “Arrreee hamara Cd kidhar he ree….woh video huwa…kab ayegi re tu….” All I can say is “ho chuka …haha..kal aungi..”

P.S: I must admit I have hand fetish. Turns out, I also have foot fetish and I keep remembering Ranbirs feet.Too bad… I also have this thing with Jazz and old Hindi film songs.It keeps getting worse…

I will

Thousands of miles as a crow flies
Millions of years as time glides by
I will wait
And if I must,I will come your way
I will not forsake you
I will not promise and keep you waiting
I say this not to make you happy
I say this for myself
I say it to show you a mirror
I say it to prove why you can never be me
I am impassive
I am solemn
I am silent
I am a bird in a cage
I do not belong to the skies
I do not live by nature
I live by myself
Yet in all indulgences, I do not know the magic you do
I declare I do not need them
I am not built to bask in another’s sorrow
Deep inside you must know what you do
If it is wrong, right or just
Why I perish and you do not?

By the setting sun

By the witness of this setting sun and solemn water
I take your hand not in obvious lust
Not to last until the sun sets between those faraway trees
Not until my body or yours reigns this earthly retreat
Beyond the expanding waters before us, that one day reaches the sea
Beyond the skies that holds the divine spark of this sunset
I hold your hand with my body and soul
I do not fear and I do not worry
As I now promise, you must know I will live by it
I will not deceive and I will not forget

Boat to heaven

There’s a place called heaven
There’s a man who will take you their
Sometimes for the favor, he will seize your soul
But sometimes he will take you for free

It’s been one exact week I wrote a entry. This week did start with some drama and tonight it’s Laxmi puja. The neighbourhood boys are attempting to dance. From their regular cries for ‘change’ and Alisha Chennai’s blazing never heard song, one can comprehend they are shuffling for that one song to dance the night away but they haven’t found it yet. But now, the claps are signaling something else- thay must be enjoying the number. I would like to see who’s dancing but its risky and I am content at the moment playing with the keyboard keys.

The past week started with some tragic drama, then the days settled into long lazy ones and now its ended with colors and light. I did want to write about what really happened last sunday but I didn’t and now what I say is ‘let bygones be bygones’. Hey! some uncle seems to have joined the young lads and now they are dancing to some remix ‘Ha..ha..ha…’Martaba’. Now I remember, it’s that number from ‘All the best’. I can’t comprehend why someone would want to give someone a rose with his car upside down. What was Ajay Devgan thinking when he decided to go along with the project.I don’t want to know or watch the movie. The movie’s just another Diwali dump on audiences.

Back to the neighbourhood music system, now they are playing ‘Mann ka radio’ and they must be dancing because no one says’Change’.I will sneak up and watch them thumping their feet once I finish the post.The music system is really turning into a nuisance, a DJ would have done the trick because now they are shouting at someone to go and bring a cd.All I can tell them is ‘It’s your day boys,find your song and dance the night away.’ But now the music system is drowned by a bhaili gang. You can hear the electric guitar and tabala but the song’s not understandable except ‘Bhaili ram’.

I think tonight the neighbourhood has no plans of sleeping.A funny situation is in action, the music system wallas are now shouting at the bhaili wallas ‘Stop the music man’. But the electric guitar drowns their cries. Now the bhaili wallas are singing ‘Bir…gorkhali hami…’ . The music system wallas are playing ‘Bebo me bebo’ . All the noise resembles a school parents day preparation.

Too much of my rambling, now I am going and watching the neighbourhood in action.As usual, I doubt if anybody will read this entry and I don’t believe anyone would like to comment. But I am happy if not for anything else, life has preapared me for ‘ No replies’.

Happy Diwali!

He is asking others for photocopies and she panics. The gatekeeper smiles at our plight and shows us the way out.So we run around on a saturday morning for a photocopy machine. She runs ahead and I follow. I am suddenly distracted by a drugged boy standing in front of a huge electric pole. It’s covered with posters of ‘Nishana’. A red line on Dilip Rayamajhis tummy reads ‘Do you love me?’. The boy keeps staring and staring.

My stomach is not feeling too well and my eyes are soar.The road ahead is unusually quiet.There are no public vehicles, only rows of police officers with helmets and shields. The prime minister is attending a function at Asoka Hotel.I am lucky to find a bus to take me home. The man next to me is in deep sleep and often forgets that I am not a pillow.The little kid behind me has just bought a new whistle and can’t stop blowing it.My ear drums are rattled. Her dad scolds her and she finally stops. The bus drives on slowly.There’s not much dust on the otherwise dusty road.I look outside the window.There’s a sun pillar and a lonely kite flying across the city.